The XX Factor: You’re Ignoring the Better Investor in the Room
Smart advisors are leveraging female investor traits to boost returns and client retention
Key Takeaways:
Women tend to demonstrate superior investing behaviour compared to men, particularly in risk assessment, emotional discipline and long-term thinking traits that consistently lead to better risk-adjusted returns.
Financial planners face a psychological challenge: how to leverage the data showing women's investment advantages without triggering defensive reactions from male clients who may conflate financial decision-making with their identity.
A strategic 'financial territory' approach divides responsibilities: allocating 70-80% to core, disciplined investments (typically managed with female risk intelligence), 10-20% for tactical opportunities, and establishing clear boundaries for joint decisions.
Structured financial communication, including regular meetings with clear agendas, cooling-off periods for major decisions and established discussion frameworks that prevent emotional decision-making and relationship conflict.
Successful financial partnerships require acknowledging and addressing the gender biases built into financial systems, products and interfaces, which have historically favoured male psychology and risk preferences.
Measuring both financial metrics (risk-adjusted returns, trading frequency, progress toward goals) and relationship metrics (communication quality, joint confidence) creates accountability and reinforces that the goal isn't proving superiority but leveraging complementary strengths.
Drawing from two exceptional sources to build a roadmap: Ryan Holiday’s "Ego is the Enemy" and Caroline Criado Perez "Invisible Women", we'll explore how financial planners can play a crucial role with helping couples move forward with their investment goals.
Financial Planners / Advisors Take Heed
I'm going to tell you something that'll piss off half my audience: women beat men at investing. This outperformance over the course of a career can add significantly to retirement outcomes.
Look, while your brother-in-law is rage-trading GameStop at 3 AM, his wife is quietly building generational wealth through what Wall Street calls "disciplined capital allocation" but is just having the emotional intelligence to not behave like a coked-up hedge fund bro with something to prove.
Female investors dominate because they:
Give a crap about downside risk
Don't treat markets like Vegas when the Raiders are in town
Look for evidence that might prove them wrong (a concept most men find as foreign as putting the toilet seat down)
Recognize money isn't just math—it's psychology, fear and greed bundled up in a neat Excel spreadsheet
An American Civil War general by the name of William Tecumseh Sherman was offered a promotion by Lincoln and Sherman basically said, "I'll take it, but I know my limits—don't put me in charge of the whole damn army." Show me a man with that level of self-awareness in 2025, and I'll show you a unicorn driving a Tesla.
Most guys are pure Ulysses S. Grant: "Give me the biggest title, the corner office and let me figure out if I'm qualified after I've crashed the company into a mountain."
The Financial Planner's Dilemma: How to Handle His Fragility
If you're a financial advisor, you're staring down the mother of all psychological puzzles: the data screams that women make better long-term investors but telling your male clients might trigger an identity crisis that makes midlife Porsche purchases seem rational by comparison.
Here’s a playbook :
First, massage his ego just enough. "Brad, your Bloomberg Terminal addiction isn't completely useless. That market knowledge? It's valuable." This isn't ego building its strategic validation before the real work begins.
Ryan Holiday gets this. In "Ego is the Enemy," he quotes Epictetus: "It is impossible to learn that which one thinks one already knows." Translation: Your client can't improve until he stops confusing his CNBC addiction with expertise.
Second, position this as the financial equivalent of Voltron. Tell him: "Your market obsession paired with her risk assessment is like combining Red Bull with good judgment—magic happens."
Not just diplomatic nonsense, it's reality. Research shows couples leveraging female risk intelligence make more money without the ulcer-inducing volatility.
Third, go full Moneyball. Numbers shut up even the loudest egos.
"Let's run an experiment. Six months. Two approaches. Same capital. Winner gets bragging rights and—more importantly—we all get richer."
This isn't therapy, it's capitalism at its finest. As Holiday would say, this is the "hard, unglamorous work" that moves the needle while the self-important are still admiring their LinkedIn profiles.
The Real-World System: How to Make This Work When Egos Collide
Now for the meat and potatoes—how to structure this without starting World War III in the living room.
Divide Financial Territory Like Feudal Lords
Carve up the financial kingdom strategically:
Give her 70-80% (the boring-but-lucrative core portfolio). Index funds, asset allocation, rebalancing schedules—the unsexy stuff that creates wealth.
Give him 10-20% (the "let's see how smart you really are" tactical fund). Enough to satisfy his action bias without letting him set fire to your retirement if he decides to go all-in on cryptocurrency invented by a 19-year-old Reddit moderator.
Create a DMZ requiring mutual agreement for major moves—like buying property or touching the kids' college fund.
This structure fixes what Caroline Criado Perez exposes in "Invisible Women"—the economic equivalent of designing seatbelts only for male bodies. Financial planning has catered to male psychology and the returns have been predictably testosterone-poisoned.
Quarterly Financial Summits That Don't Suck
Forget the vague "we should talk about money" approach that inevitably ends with someone sleeping on the couch.
Run your money meetings like a competent board runs a company:
Both partners arrive with their homework done—no winging it
Focus obsessively on four numbers: assets, investments, savings, debt
She leads the "what could go horribly wrong" scenario planning
He leads the "here's the next big thing" opportunity scan
Every decision requires articulating what problem you're solving
This approach embraces Holiday's brutal commitment to self-awareness: "Know your actual abilities, not the story you tell yourself about them."
Communication Guardrails for When Things Get Heated
Establish rules of engagement before the artillery comes out:
After any financial idea is presented, both partners must ask "And what else?" twice. Forces consideration of alternatives that your confirmation bias wants to ignore.
When defensive reactions flare, pause and ask: "Am I fighting for my portfolio or my ego right now?"
Keep discussions anchored to the four numbers that matter (see money metrics below). Not feelings, not CNBC's latest panic attack.
Major moves require a 24-hour cooling-off period. The market survived 200+ years without your impulse trade; it'll survive another day.
Why This Approach Makes Both Money and Sense
Let's be clear-eyed about what we're fighting against:
Men's brains literally bathe in risk-loving hormones that convinced our ancestors to hunt woolly mammoths with pointy sticks
Boys learn that financial dominance = masculinity somewhere between Little League and their first viewing of "Wolf of Wall Street"
Every financial product, interface, and paradigm has been designed by and for men
But the upside of evolving past our financial caveman tendencies?
First, you'll make more money. Not complicated. Women's investment approaches consistently deliver superior risk-adjusted returns. This isn't politics it's math.
Second, financial harmony translates directly to relationship quality. Research confirms couples who solve money issues have better relationships. And yes, better sex. Would I make this up?
Finally, you develop as a human being. Learning from different approaches makes you smarter, more adaptable, and less likely to die on stupid hills.
This approach works whether you're a conventional couple, same-sex partners, or solo, the point is integrating both aggressive and protective financial instincts instead of letting one dominate.
The Bottom Line: Her Brain + His Guts = More Money
The data doesn't care about your feelings: ego-driven investing is financial suicide. The psychological inability to admit when you're wrong has destroyed more wealth than inflation and taxes combined.
As Holiday says: "Talk less, work more." Stop debating who's right and start implementing a structure that produces results.
For financial planners, this isn't just about optimizing portfolios—it's about keeping clients from becoming their own worst enemies, fixing broken money relationships and maybe even advancing gender equality while you're at it.
The financial intelligence gap is real. Your move is clear: cross it or keep pretending it doesn't exist while watching your returns suffer.
Financial Planners Client Playbook: Making This Work Without Marriage Counselling
First Meeting: Reality Check
Watch who talks, who interrupts, who defers
Note who manages daily finances versus who makes big decisions
Identify whose eyes glaze over during which financial topics
Evidence Introduction
Show gender-based investing data (unemotionally)
Share examples of complementary approaches succeeding
Frame as leveraging everyone's natural abilities, not fixing someone
Baseline Measurements
Document your financial vital signs: assets, investments, savings, debt
Analyse portfolio structure and actual (not remembered) performance
Assess risk tolerance separately (you'll be shocked at the differences)
Creating Your Financial Alliance
Territory Division
Core Portfolio (70-80%): Disciplined, research-backed, long-term focus
Asset allocation strategy
Index fund investments
Regular rebalancing
Risk monitoring
Tactical Opportunities (10-20%): Market-responsive moves
Sector bets
Limited market timing plays
Alternative investments
Opportunistic positions
Joint Decisions (Non-Negotiable): Mutual agreement required
Major asset allocation changes
Significant withdrawals
Estate planning decisions
Life-changing financial moves
Communication Structure
Weekly check-ins (15 min), Monthly reviews (60 min), Quarterly deep dives (2 hours)
Decision framework requiring clear articulation of:
Problem being solved
Expected outcome
Worst-case scenario
Success timeline
Cooling-off period for major decisions, followed by written position exchange, then discussion
Accountability Measures
Performance tracking against appropriate benchmarks
Regular "Process vs. Outcome" evaluations
Third-party mediation when you're deadlocked
Real-World Conversation Starters
For the Ego-Driven Investor
"I've noticed something fascinating in the data. The most successful investors aren't the ones with the highest IQs or the most Bloomberg screens. They're the ones who combine aggressive opportunity-seeking with disciplined risk management. What if we structured an approach that captures both?"
For the Reluctant Partner
"The research is crystal clear that different perspectives dramatically improve investment outcomes. You bring insights that aren't currently being leveraged. Would you take a more active role if we created a structure where your strengths could impact the bottom line?"
For When You're at Each Other's Throats
"We've got two valid concerns here. Missing opportunities by moving too slowly and jumping into risky positions without adequate analysis. Both legitimate. What if we designed a portfolio that addressed both—preserving core wealth while creating space for timely moves?"
Measuring What Matters: The Scorecard
Track quarterly:
Money Metrics:
Risk-adjusted returns (not just raw performance)
Trading frequency (lower is usually better)
Fee efficiency (what you're paying vs. value received)
Progress toward actual goals (not arbitrary benchmarks)
Relationship Metrics:
Financial communication quality
Confidence in joint decisions
Money anxiety levels
Alignment on financial vision
Remember: The goal isn't proving who's smarter. It's building a system that leverages different strengths to make both richer and happier than either could achieve alone.
Feel free to click the ❤️ button on the bottom of this post so more people can discover my writing on Substack. Tell me what you think in the comments 👀